My Partner Blames Me For Everything (5 Tips) | OptimistMinds (2024)

If your partner has been blaming you for everything, then it’s most likely that your relationship has some unresolved issues. In this article, we will learn how to deal with being blamed for everything. We will also try to understand why this happens and how to prevent it from happening in the future. Another key point would be on how to communicate effectively in such a situation.

Here are the topics we would be covering :

  • Why does my partner blame me for everything ?
  • What are unresolved issues?
  • How can I effectively communicate with my partner?
  • How to prevent this in future?
  • Points to improve compatibility

Why does my partner blame me for everything?

To understand why your partner blames you for everything, it’s extremely important to introspect. Look at the arguments or fights you’ve been having recently.

There are certain patterns that you might have observed. These include:

  • Picking on small things that lead to unnecessary arguments.
  • Pushing for a fight even after the issue has been resolved.
  • Bringing up the past problems every chance your partner gets.
  • Using your shortcomings against you
  • Making you feel unloved.

Picking on small things

This usually happens when there are unresolved issues that have been bothering your partner. They might not know exactly what it is, as they’ve probably tried to forget it and in the course, they’ve repressed it. But there’s a good chance it still bothers them.

Pushing for a fight

When your partner pushes for a fight, it might be because they have alot to express and vent. They probably look at a fight as the only way it’ll be okay for them to vent out. It almost is a sign for help, that your relationship needs your attention.

Bringing up past problems

If your partner has been bringing up a particular problem, there’s a good chance that it has remained unresolved for them. Maybe you both moved on too quickly from this problem instead of giving it more time and taking a closer look.

Using your shortcomings against you

This is a faulty way to deal with any situation. It breaks trust and causes a lot of pain to the person on the receiving end. If you notice your partner doing this, it’s important to stop it right then. If you have been doing this then try to understand where it’s coming from before it pushed your partner away.

Making you feel unloved

Once your partner starts using your shortcomings against you, it’s going to lead to you feeling unloved. This can be a sign that your relationship is at its breaking point and needs immediate care.

What are unresolved issues?

Unresolved issues are one of the main reasons why your partner could be blaming you for everything. We call them “unresolved” and not “unsolved” because sometimes issues in a relationship don’t have one solution, they have multiple. Some might not even have a solution, that’s when it takes compromise.

Addressing issues

Mostly these unresolved issues occur when there hasn’t been effective addressing of issues. Suppose your partner has an issue and you notice it but continue to work the same way, this would pile up.

In the above-mentioned situation, neither you nor your partner has addressed the issue, spoken about it in detail, understood what could be done, and then compromised or reloved it. Issues that go unaddressed automatically lead to unresolved issues.

No room to express feelings

Another reason why unresolved issues are formed is when your partner hasn’t had the room to express their feelings. This again usually happens when they feel their feelings aren’t worth mentioning. Or if they have over prioritised your feelings above their own feelings.

This usually leads to pent up anger and resentment.

Poor understanding of an issue

Sometimes even after we address an issue, we tend to only cover the surface of it. Certain issues might require more attention and digging deeper to understand the root problem.

Since there might be painful memories linked, the root issue could be hidden and repressed. This takes time and sensitivity.

How can I effectively communicate with my partner?

One of the ways to effectively communicate with your partner is to have a safe word.

A safeword can be anything, for example, “yellow”, “strawberry” and “bunny”. These words can be said in the middle of your argument or conversation when you feel that it’s getting derailed, or if you and your partner are going in circles.

This safe word can also be used to avoid blaming each other. It helps on focusing on the problem at hand instead of bringing down each other.

Try to have open-ended conversations by using your feelings, instead of your words. Express yourself, be empathetic and give your partner a chance to open up. Let this conversation be one where you can tell each other anything and everything.

How to prevent this in the future?

In order to prevent this from happening in the future, you and your partner need to understand defective patterns.

  • Even if your partner is blaming you for everything, we could say you have a defective pattern if you decide to accept these blames.
  • If both, you and your partner can’t confront issues or each other, then this will again be problematic and could lead to a lot of pent up emotions.

Recognise these patterns that keep recurring in your relationship, and that are followed by unpleasant times, fights, or arguments.

Once you’ve done this it would be time to work on these patterns so that they don’t trigger the same issues in your relationship in future.

Points to improve compatibility

  • Set aside a date day for you and your partner every once a week.
  • Make sure you keep aside all distractions during this date day.
  • If communicating fact-to-face is difficult, try to write to each other.
  • Every once in a while make sure to indulge in an “act of love”.
  • This can be gifting, saying something nice to the other person, writing them a letter, or just waking them up with some delicious breakfast.
  • Communicate your emotions, but also give your partner the space to understand these emotions and express themselves.
  • Have a hobby or activity that you both enjoy doing together.


When your partner blames you for everything, take it as a wake-up call for your relationship. This definitely means your relationship needs a lot of time and effort at the moment. Take the time to introspect, and build an effective channel of communication. Everything will be fine as long as both of you are able to communicate your feelings and work on your relationship.

If you have any questions or comments regarding this, please feel free to drop them in the comment section below.

FAQs- My partner blames me for everything

What does it mean when your spouse blames you for everything?

If your spouse is blaming you for everything, then they most likely are unhappy with your relationship. Instead of effectively communicating about the problems, they’re choosing to blame. This is when you should understand that it’s time to do something about it.

What does it mean when a man blames you for everything?

The man is probably blaming you for everything because you haven’t openly spoken about situations so far, and that’s why it continues to be this way. You would have to accept that you’ve probably had a role to play in getting the situation to this point.

What does it mean when someone constantly blames you for everything?

When someone constantly blames you for everything, they might be a narcissist. A narcissistic person is known to be notorious as they always blame everyone around them for everything. This is usually because they believe they’re always right, and that they know how to do things the right way. Thus they project any shortcomings they have onto others.

What is a toxic relationship?

A toxic relationship is one that includes lack of trust, frequent lying and controlling behaviours. This usually happens when one person’s feeling and happiness is prioritised, instead of both of them working as a team. These relationships can be healed but it requires both partners to work together.

What are the psychological terms for blaming others?

The psychological term for blaming others is psychological projection. This is a defence mechanism wherein the ego defends itself when it’s confronted by an unpleasant stimulus or situation. This way the ego denies any triggered underlying emotions and instead projects this onto others.

References :

My Partner Blames Me For Everything (5 Tips) | OptimistMinds (2024)


How to deal with a partner who always blames you for everything? ›

Sometimes, expressing yourself simply is best. Tell your partner what you're feeling, and stop there: 'I've been feeling blamed recently, and I don't feel good about that. ' Don't apologise for how you feel, but equally, don't turn this into an attack - 'I'm feeling blamed because you're always having a go at me'.

What does it mean when your partner blames you for everything? ›

If your partner is blaming you for everything, it means that they are unhappy with the relationship. Rather than talking through the problems in your marriage, they look out for a way to blame you for everything. Now is the time when you really would want to do something about it.

What to say when someone blames you for everything? ›

I need you to take responsibility.” These are the types of phrases we hear when we get blamed for something.

What are examples of blaming in relationships? ›

We blame them for “wetting their bed,” for “being too loud while you were on the phone which cost you a business deal," for “leaving their toys on the floor, which caused you to lose your temper – again.” We make them responsible for our actions and reactions, while in fact only we are responsible for these.

What is stonewalling in a relationship? ›

Stonewalling, one of the Four Horsem*n, is Dr. John Gottman's term for one or both partners shutting down when feeling overwhelmed during conflict. Rather than confronting the issue, someone who is stonewalling will be unresponsive, making evasive maneuvers such as tuning out, turning away, or acting busy.

What determines a toxic relationship? ›

A toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked. A relationship is toxic when your well-being is threatened in some way—emotionally, psychologically, and even physically.

What is red flag in relationship? ›

What are red flags in a relationship? Red flags are warning signs that indicate unhealthy or manipulative behavior. They are not always recognizable at first — which is part of what makes them so dangerous. However, they tend to grow bigger and become more problematic over time.

How do you get your partner to stop blaming you? ›

15 things to do if your partner blames you all the time
  1. Understand your partner's mindset. Begin with “getting into the mindset” of your partner. ...
  2. Check the pattern. ...
  3. Look for solutions in the past. ...
  4. Change your strategy. ...
  5. Be calm. ...
  6. Listen. ...
  7. Apologize. ...
  8. Develop a plan to overcome the situation together.
Jul 8, 2021

How do you tell your relationship is over? ›

What does real trouble look like?
  • There's no emotional connection. ...
  • Communication breakdown. ...
  • Aggressive or confrontational communication. ...
  • There's no appeal to physical intimacy. ...
  • You don't trust them. ...
  • Fantasising about others. ...
  • You're not supporting each other and have different goals. ...
  • You can't imagine a future together.

What type of person blames others for everything? ›

People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to changing their behavior, even when it's causing them problems. Their tendency is to turn the blame on to others.

How does a narcissist blame you? ›

People with strong narcissistic tendencies and other dark personality traits tend to blame others for their own bad behavior. If they are lying, then they will accuse others of lying. If they are cruel, they will say that others are cruel.

When the narcissist blames you for everything? ›

If you are wondering why your narcissistic mate blames you for everything that goes wrong no matter who is at fault, the answer is simple: People who have narcissistic personality disorder cannot tolerate the idea that they might be to blame, so they accuse someone else instead.

What are toxic actions in a relationship? ›

Your relationship may be toxic if it is characterized by behaviors that make you feel unhappy, including disrespect, dishonesty, controlling behaviors, or a lack of support.

Is blaming a form of emotional abuse? ›

Emotional abuse is a form of manipulation that involves controlling another person's emotions. It can take various forms, including blaming, shaming, embarrassing, criticizing, or isolating the victim.

What are the stages of blaming? ›

These steps are lay blame, justify, shame, obligation and responsibility.

What is a backburner relationship? ›

According to the study, a back-burner is “a person to whom one is not presently committed, and with whom one maintains some degree of communication in order to keep or establish the possibility of future romantic and/or sexual involvement”.

What is the 3 day rule after an argument? ›

The 3 day rule after argument is a common practice in relationships where individuals agree to take a 3 day relationship break from each other after a heated disagreement. During this time, both parties cool off, reflect on their feelings/thoughts, and avoid communication with each other.

What is emotional neglect in a relationship? ›

In a relationship or marriage emotional neglect is when a partner consistently fails to notice, attend to, and respond in a timely manner to a partner or spouse's feelings. In both instances, it has far-reaching negative consequences for the relationship. As humans, we are relational beings.

What are 5 signs of a unhealthy relationship? ›

Some characteristics of unhealthy relationships include:
  • Control. One dating partner makes all the decisions and tells the other what to do, what to wear, or who to spend time with. ...
  • Hostility. ...
  • Dishonesty. ...
  • Disrespect. ...
  • Dependence. ...
  • Intimidation. ...
  • Physical violence. ...
  • Sexual violence.

Is my partner toxic or am I? ›

If a relationship stops bringing joy, and instead consistently makes you feel sad, angry, anxious or “resigned, like you've sold out,” it may be toxic, Glass says. You may also find yourself envious of happy couples. Fuller says negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem are all red flags, too.

What are the three stages of a toxic relationship? ›

Toxic relationships generally follow three stages: idealizing, devaluing, and discarding. Learn about each of these stages and the impact it has on you.

When should you call it quits in a relationship? ›

If you're not being satisfied emotionally, sexually or intellectually, it's probably time to move on. Ending a relationship is hard, but it's sometimes the only correct thing to do. If you and your partner aren't connecting on the most fundamental levels, it will be best for both of you to move on.

What causes one sided relationships? ›

A number of factors can contribute to a one-sided relationship. Past experiences, mental health issues, insecurity, and poor communication skills can all play a role.

How do you break the blame cycle? ›

  1. Breaking The Blame Cycle. “We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers — but never blame yourself. ...
  2. Start Noticing What's Happening Internally. ...
  3. Understanding Why People Blame. ...
  4. The Need For Empathy In All Relationships. ...
  5. Engaging Empathy. ...
  6. The Secret To Being Empathetic.
Oct 7, 2018

What is it called when someone blames you for their actions? ›

Projection refers to attributing one's shortcomings, mistakes, and misfortunes to others in order to protect one's ego. Blaming others (i.e. projection) is more common in those who are experiencing negative feelings and are unable to regulate their emotions.

What are the 5 stages of a breakup? ›

They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, according to Mental-Health-Matters. These are the natural ways for your heart to heal.

When to end a bad relationship? ›

Talk to your partner about what is bothering you.

"If they are willing to see a therapist, then go to counseling together," she says. "However, if you get the necessary help and find the same patterns being repeated over and over again, you should consider ending the relationship."

How do you know if a relationship isn't going to last? ›

Conflicts that drag on for months, arguments that go around in circles, fights that don't lead to more empathy, intimacy or better solutions — these are all signs that something is fundamentally dysfunctional in the relationship.

What is the psychology behind blaming people? ›

Humans are wired to blame.

These propensities are partially psychological, driven by something called the fundamental attribution bias. We tend to believe that what people do is a reflection of who they are, rather than considering there may be other factors (social or environmental) influencing their behavior.

What causes blame shifting? ›

“Blame shifting is typically done when one person has a complaint or frustration, and the receiving partner finds a way to shift the blame back, taking the focus and accountability off of themselves,” explains Lindsey Ferris, a marriage and family therapist.

Why is blame toxic? ›

Those who are blamed experience guilt and bitterness towards themselves and others, and over time, their self-esteem drops. Blaming makes it harder to communicate with each other, trust each other, and work together. Blaming also reduces kindness and intimacy.

What are the 5 main habits of a narcissist? ›

Let's take a look at five of the most common characteristics of a narcissist in order to create awareness.
  • Inflated Ego. Those who suffer from narcissism usually seem themselves as superior to others. ...
  • Lack of Empathy. ...
  • Need for Attention. ...
  • Repressed Insecurities. ...
  • Few Boundaries.

What would hurt a narcissist the most? ›

Narcissists are hurt by challenges or threats to their superior and grandiose self-image (also known as narcissistic injury). Their sense of entitlement and lack of empathy means they will attempt to destroy the culprit by any means necessary.

What words not to say to a narcissist? ›

8 Things You Should Never Say to a Narcissist
  • Don't say, "It's not about you." ...
  • Don't say, "You're not listening." ...
  • Don't say, "Ina Garten did not get her lasagna recipe from you." ...
  • Don't say, "Do you think it might be your fault?" ...
  • Don't say, "You're being a bully." ...
  • Don't say, "Stop playing the victim."
Dec 15, 2017

Why do narcissists want to ruin you? ›

They want to see how much they can destroy you

Narcissists thrive on chaos, so they do not act out of jealousy, as that would imply they want your relationships, career, wealth, or health for themselves. Rather, they just don't want to see other people happy.

When a narcissist destroys you? ›

Grooming a person, manipulating her into doubting her feelings, generating shame regarding her best qualities, and manipulatively creating dependency are four ways a narcissist destroys a person from the inside out.

What is toxic love? ›

Toxic love may involve physical, mental, or emotional abuse, or it might involve manipulation, emotional blackmail, shame, control, or other potentially harmful behaviors.

What is emotional badgering? ›

Badgering: once you've expressed your boundaries, your partner aggressively pesters you in order to get you to change your mind. This tactic is used to wear you down until you give in.

What is demeaning behavior in a relationship? ›

Demeaning behavior in a relationship can involve ignoring your feelings and shutting you out. When someone stonewalls you, they refuse to answer you and might even walk away in mid-conversation.

What are the 7 signs of emotional abuse? ›

Here are seven signs of emotional abuse and how you can get help.
  • Gaslighting. ...
  • Isolating you from loved ones. ...
  • Using insulting language. ...
  • Yelling. ...
  • Shifting the blame. ...
  • Acting extremely jealous. ...
  • Outbursts of unpredictable anger.
May 2, 2022

What are 4 examples of emotional abuse? ›

Types of emotional abuse
  • humiliating or constantly criticising a child.
  • threatening, shouting at a child or calling them names.
  • making the child the subject of jokes, or using sarcasm to hurt a child.
  • blaming and scapegoating.
  • making a child perform degrading acts.

What are 6 behaviors that indicate emotional abuse? ›

Examples include intimidation, coercion, ridiculing, harassment, treating an adult like a child, isolating an adult from family, friends, or regular activity, use of silence to control behavior, and yelling or swearing which results in mental distress. Signs of emotional abuse.

Is blaming a form of manipulation? ›

Manipulation is when a person uses controlling and harmful behaviors to avoid responsibility, conceal their true intentions, or cause doubt and confusion. Manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting, lying, blaming, criticizing, and shaming, can be incredibly damaging to a person's psychological well-being.

What does blaming look like in a relationship? ›

Signs of the blame game in a relationship:

You feel resentful toward each other. You can't let go of issues, and instead of addressing them, you punish each other. Instead of setting boundaries, you keep hurting each other. You feel that your partner is responsible for how you feel.

What blaming does to a relationship? ›

It can break down your sense of trust in your partner and replace it with a growing sense of resentment and anger. And, if it persists for a very long time, constant blame in a relationship can be a symptom of emotional abuse.

When a narcissist blames you for everything? ›

Unfortunately, narcissists aren't likely to change their ways. If the narcissist in your life keeps blaming you for every small thing that goes wrong, it might be time to get some distance. Find new friends, get out of the house often, and do things that you love to keep your spirits up.

What is it called when a narcissist blames you for everything? ›

Both gaslighting and blame shifting are forms of emotional abuse where the narcissist maintains control by using their abusive tactics. By blame-shifting, the narcissist doesn't have to take responsibility for their actions. Blame shifting results in victim blaming.

What is it called when someone blames everyone else for their actions? ›

Blame-shifting is an emotionally abusive behavior or tactic. These are some definitions or descriptions of blame-shifting: abusers have difficulty taking responsibility for problems. They go as far as necessary to attribute blame for their circ*mstances to anyone else, even if it may sound somewhat conspiratorial.

Who is to blame in a toxic relationship? ›

With a toxic partner, the blame is always on you. They blame you for things that got nothing to do with you. For instance, if they fought with a friend, it's your fault that you don't give them enough love and it makes them irritable. They twist situations and lie to blame you for everything that goes wrong.

What it's like arguing with a narcissist? ›

Arguing with a narcissist can be extremely difficult — people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) feel very little empathy for others and are often manipulative. They may use tactics like turning the blame on you, gaslighting you, and resorting to disrespectful behavor.

What is an example of a narcissist gaslighting? ›

Narcissistic gaslighting examples of this tactic include suggesting you're “confused,” “mixed up” or “misremembering.” Alternatively, they may take the opposite approach, saying something like, “I have no memory of that” or, “I don't know what you're talking about.”

What is it called when someone flips the blame on you? ›

Definition of Projection or Blame-Shifting:(n.) A term originally coined as a self-defense mechanism by Anna Freud when a person attributes their own unwanted thoughts, feelings, or motives onto another person (A. Freud, 1936).

What is the psychology of blame shifting? ›

"Blame-shifting" is a specific form of verbal abuse, although it may coincide with gaslighting and other forms. A blame-shift is meant to absolve the abuser of responsibility but it also effectively makes the target feel guilty or shamed.

What is gaslighting in relationships? ›

What is gaslighting in a relationship? It's a form of psychological manipulation in which one person makes the other partner doubt his or her perceptions, experiences, memories, or understanding of events that happened.

What are signs of a toxic relationship? ›

What are the signs of a toxic relationship?
  • Lack of support. “Healthy relationships are based on a mutual desire to see the other succeed in all areas of life,” Caraballo says. ...
  • Toxic communication. ...
  • Envy or jealousy. ...
  • Controlling behaviors. ...
  • Resentment. ...
  • Dishonesty. ...
  • Patterns of disrespect. ...
  • Negative financial behaviors.


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